Mission call

Mike Romney just got his mission call! He’s going to Montreal Canada french speaking and is leaving for the MTC on Feb. 14th. Everyone go congratulate him!

“What appears to be a series of unfortunate events…

…may, in fact, be the first steps of a journey.”

Just when I believed I had truly crested the hill, that monstrous trek that promised a plateau of happiness that would last just long enough for me to pacify my aching limbs; just as I thought my years of struggle were coming to a blissful, highly anticipated climax, something slipped out of place. Whether it was my foot or a rock I was using to support myself or the very mountain itself, I don’t think I’ll ever know. But I looked up and I realized the whole world, everything familiar and good, everything familiar and bad, dissintigrated into an entirely new monster. I found myself not only back where I started, but burried under everything I’d experienced.
I haven’t quite decided whether this is something that I can fix, or whether it’s something I want to fix, or even what to do with myself. In the mean time, I find myself protected, surrounded by an indestructable bubble of faith, of family, and of hope for what I could make of this situation. At the same time there’s something inside that I feel has died or broken away, or…

I’ve been laden with guilt, but not for any mistakes I’ve made, necessarily. Or perhaps I have made mistakes. It feels more like if I look at someone the wrong way or I forget to say something that I’m thinking I’m somehow responsible for any and everything that goes wrong in thier lives.
This is all completely off topic.

A lot has happened in a very short time. I need so much help, but I don’t want to ask for it. I can’t bring myself to ask for it from anyone. I don’t want to tell anyone about my mistakes, even though they aren’t seriuos at all. I haven’t sinned or anything. I haven’t done anything maliciously. I haven’t done anything wrong, but I can’t get it out of my head.

I wish I could just give everyone an insight into my life. I wish everyone could understand what I think and feel and why.

I keep crying. About nothing, mostly, but partially about everything I’m never going to be, or everything that I’ve ever stopped someone from being.

I don’t know. I guess that’s all I have to say. Mostly I just feel things, indescribable things that persistantly tug at my mind.

It’s really hard to continue living your life as if nothing has happened. I’m almost afraid that someone will look at me and be able to read exactly what’s going on behind my eyes. I want people to understand, but I know that they never will, so I don’t want to tell them because they’ll just think I’m crazy…

Anyway, about the title- life is surreal just now. Everything I thought I could rely on is gone. Every aspect of my existance has either just changed or will change in the very near future. It’s overwhelming, to say they least. But I know that something will come of it. I hope it will be sooner, rather than later, and I hope that I will be a better person for all this, and I hope that my perspective will be broadened.

Life is hard- you’ll never hear my deny that. But life is full of meaning, if you care to find it. I’ll never deny that, either. You can make something out of any situation. You can always find a way out of those tight spots that threaten to squeeze the life out of you. You can always lean on me, and if you think you can’t you can always lean on God.

Yeah.
~PKTS